Be
Confronting race and racism happened a lot later in life for me than for most African-Americans. Growing up in the US Virgin Islands, I was accustomed to being the majority. I was accustomed to politicians, doctors, crossing guards and sanitation workers all looking like me. I guess that’s what made my grandmother give me this advice at the airport as I was heading to North Carolina State University: “Do not take on something that you do not know.”
Somehow she foresaw that race would become a much bigger deal for me.
Her advice probably came from years of navigating her own experiences with race and racism. My grandmother was a maid for most of her life, and the vast majority of her employers were white. She cooked, cleaned and baby sat for people who lived in many ways a completely different life from her own.
So, as any wise grandmother would do, she prepared me for what was ahead. Her words broadened my shoulders and strengthened my back to face the hate, prejudice and onslaught of negative stereotyping to come. And yet she reiterated, “Do what you know.”
After many years in corporate America, traveling to more than 48 countries, living in 3 different continents and numerous states, all as a Black woman, here’s what I’ve come to know.
Be open. I’ve lived in China (before it was considered sexy) and Bratislava (before I could locate it on the map). When opportunities to live in new places come up, I seize them. I’ve had enough experiences to know what to expect while traveling. The stares, the comments, and the isolation. But, I also know that I won’t allow those things to deter me from living a full, experiential life. To be clear, it was partially in hopes of proving to others that this black girl could handle new experiences in new environments, but mainly to prove to myself that I could be open enough to experience new things. I am worthy of having these growth experiences.
Be comfortable. Recently, a well-meaning friend advised me to reconsider one of my tweets about Trinidad Carnival. She warned that given the number of professional Twitter followers I have, it may be best to leave that part of me off social media. Her concern is one I previously shared. I constantly thought that professional success would stem from how well I could distance myself from who I am. Assimilate, blend in, and be non-descript. Nope, not anymore. Now, I gladly share who I am and that prominently includes the love of my Caribbean heritage. I revel, I whine, and know how to have the best time. I have learned that wherever I am is where I belong, and I belong there in the truth of who I am.
Be present. Regardless of the circumstances around me and the ways in which I have been or will be treated, I owe it to myself to never shrink back and allow someone to diminish me. I can never forget a meeting in which the client acknowledged everyone in the room except me. At the time, I had been working for 12 years, had a BS in Engineering and 2 Master’s degrees, yet I was treated like a non-entity. Foolishly, I played the role and did not assert my presence. Thankfully, I was backed by one of my great mentors who let the client know that I would be the lead on the project and he would have to work directly with me in order to progress. That day, my mentor reminded me of this, “You will always be a woman, you will always be black, but you will also always be great.” His words gave me the strength to consistently make my presence known and assert myself.
To those with experiences different from my own, this advice may be a no-brainer. But to those of us who daily push beyond ourselves to engage with a world that often neglects to provide basic treatments of humanity and dignity, these reminders are necessary.
As we celebrate Black History Month, it’s easy for us to acknowledge the progress and success, but let us also recognize the present struggles Black people face. Struggles that boil down to daily demands for simple decency and respect. Struggles that require us to be open, comfortable and present in environments to which we do not feel we belong.
I continue to grow in these areas, as those who came before me embolden me to keep forging ahead. I do it for them, and I especially do it for grandma.
Happy Black History Month!
